The Declaration of Constitution
An American Historical story
Part Three:
That Little Bastard Madison
“You're Watching FOX News. We now return you to 'The Lost History of America”
“...and we're back. We continue with our story of liberal treachery, 'The Declaration of Constitution'. To recap, Hamilton Adams was the lone delegate from Rhode Island to the Declarational Convention. History revising liberals now refer to this gathering as the 'Constitutional Convention'. Adams was sidetracked several times by both Federalist and Anti-Federalist delegates who were dead-set against allowing any TruePatriots to attend the convention.
Adams' next letter is dated Friday, August 24th, 1787:"
“Since my discovery yesterday of the mischief of the other delegates in misdirecting me several times, I have been attempting to find the other delegates from the TruePatriots faction. To this end, I have assigned Horace to scour all of the local drinking establishments to find our compatriots. Meanwhile, I shall be attending today's gathering.”
"The following day, he started to make notes in his journal, and wrote no more letters for the duration of the Convention:"
“August 25th--It has occurred to me that I have been writing letters, but I have forgotten who I was sending them to. I can only hope that they have not fallen into the hands of scoundrels.
I have decided to instead keep my notes in a personal journal. Then it occurred to me that I did not own one. I found that only one establishment in Philadelphia sells bound journals for less than the princely sum of one dime. It is unfortunate that the establishment is, by happenstance, Benjamin Franklin's Card and Stationery Shoppe, but he is, after all, Mister “A penny saved is a penny earned”.
I was able to purchase a fine leather bound journal of thirty pages for only six cents. The price was, in fact, five cents and a half, but I lacked a hay-penny, and the clerk was unwilling to make change for a penny. A hay-penny unsaved by me and unearned by that arrogant son of a mule!
At yesterday's meeting, the issue of state representation was being discussed. I kept attempting to interject my opinions on these matters, but that little bastard Madison was presiding, and kept telling me that I was out of order. When I asked him when I may be in order to speak, he told me that he would let me know when it was my turn.
This he never did, yet other delegates were speaking with no apparent regard to order at all.
Horace has managed to find the rest of our caucus, in varying states of sobriety. It being still before noon on a Saturday, I suppose that I am fortunate that any of them be stirring at all.
I must impress upon them that today is a most important day to be in attendance, since the subject of taxation shall be taken up. As we all know, it is not the province of government to collect taxes, except for voluntary donations that the people should make as they see fit.We must all attend, and we must all make a serious stand against taxation!”
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“Adams went on to document that day's proceedings in his new journal”
“Once again, Madison was presiding over the day's debates. He seemed to take great umbrage at our entire caucus' late arrival. I asked him if he had not, himself, ever taken advantage of the most generous happy hours that are offered by the taverns here in Philadelphia. The smug elitist fancy pants lawyer simply sniffed at me, and requested of us to take our seats.
Upon looking around, we could see no empty chairs. Madison informed us that there were chairs in the hallway. I replied that we should all stay in attendance in the meeting hall, and would instead stand.
Madison then started to address the meeting on some trivial issue of slave importation 'Twenty years is too long...blah, blah, blah'.
I could take this no longer!
I shouted at the top of my lungs 'What about taxes? We're here to talk about taxes! Our brethren died in the Boston Tea Party so we wouldn't have to pay taxes! We kicked England's butt to be sure that we wouldn't have to pay taxes But now I hear that you are talking about job-killing tariffs? No taxation with or without representation!'
Of a sudden, the entirety of our TruePatriot caucus started jumping up and down, screaming 'No new taxes! No new taxes!' This went on for several minutes, during which time many of the other delegates began yelling 'Shut the hell up!', which, I believe, was directed at Mr Madison.
Madison and Gerry gestured wildly for everybody to come to order. It was decided that we should meet again tomorrow to revisit the issue of taxation. Right now, though, it's happy hour down at the True Patriot Tavern and Grill.”
August 26th--Damn them all to Hades! Today is Sunday. Our caucus are all stricken with the demon. As well, it seems that no other delegates are in attendance at the hall today. The little bastard tried to trick us again! There are no debates on Sundays! Today is God's day!
The moment has come to make up for lost time. The TruePatriot caucus shall meet this evening, as soon as we should all be rid of the demon. I shall send a messenger at once. Tonight, we take decisive action!”
"The Lost History of America' will continue after these quick words from our sponsors"
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End of Part Three—To be continued
