The Apocalypse Will Not Be Televised

It will not be shown on CBS, ESPN or the Food Network.  You won't hear about it on any Clear Channel or NPR stations.  It won't be in your local newspaper.  You won't even get a paper that day, anyway.


However, live streaming video will be available on YouTube.


They just won't stop.  They keep telling us over and over that the world is going to end any day now.  Yet every day I wake up and the world is still here.  No demons, no pestilence, no frogs raining down from the sky.  Just the same old shit.  Still, they just won't stop.


History has shown us over and over again that Apocalypses don't happen according to any sort of schedule.  I remember one year when we had two of them.  Then none at all for maybe three or four hundred years.  I forget.  It was a long time ago.


But every time I turn around, some TV preacher proclaims that the end of the world is nigh.  They even send people out to tell me about it. Apparently, when the world does end, I'm going to be cast into a lake of fire to writhe in agony for all eternity.  That sounds pretty mean.  God sucks if he does that kind of shit. Eternity is a long fucking time.


If anyone tells you that he knows when it's coming, he's a lying sack of shit.  Definitely do not give him all of your money and possessions.  Think about it.  What would he do with them?  Even the charities will be fried or raptured or something.  Don't drink anything he offers you, either.


But you don't have to be religious to enjoy the end of the world.  Secular doomsayers are hardly rare, and they frequently want your money, too.  There's a guy out there selling containers specially designed for burying money in your back yard.  He also sells bags of "junk coins".  I didn't read his newsletter far enough through to figure out where the junk coins come into the picture.  What do junk coins have to do with societal Apocalypse?


Let's see.  Society has broken down and the movie "Mad Max" is starting to look more and more like a documentary.  Roving bands of brigands are going house to house, looking for all of those dried beans these survivalist guys told you to buy.  Junk coins are just what you need in this situation!  Somehow or other.


Maybe you can use sacks of junk coins as weapons.  Maybe they'd take the gold that you buried in your backyard and make jewelry out of it.  After they finished eating your dried beans and canned food.


But you'll still have those junk coins to do whatever with.


All of this will definitely not be televised.


The world ending via environmental disaster just doesn't have that kind of zip and pop like the demons and the brigands have.  It's being televised.  It's too slow a process.


Apocalypses and societal meltdowns don't have such a long lead time.  Urgency is the key.  The key to the wallets of the gullible, the paranoid,and the faithful.


Maybe  the Apocalypse will be televised after all. Maybe it will be on FOX News and MSNBC and TV Land.  Maybe it will be on NPR and Clear Channel stations after all.


No matter what else happens, though, you can bet that someone will be live blogging it.  There will most definitely be streaming video as well.