In Other News...

A Message From The President Of The United States of America

My fellow Americans,

I would like to thank all of you for taking the time out of your evening to hear me out. These past few weeks have been very trying for all of us. I have worked diligently and in good faith with both sides, all for naught, it would seem.

The Speaker of the House won't even take everything he asked for as a compromise. Senate leaders are engaged in a perpetual staredown. I have never in my life seen elected officials so hell bent on accomplishing absolutely nothing.

Conservatives call me a communist. Liberals call me a fascist. Some teabaggers have even called me a communist fascist.

So, after much soul searching, and a few high level consultations, I have come to a decision. The time has come to say this:

Fuuuuuuuuuck you!

Orderly Markets

It has been posited here that, during the period from 1929-2008, there were no major stock market crashes, and that the entire financial system behaved in an orderly fashion for decades. 

All thanks to securities laws enacted in the 1930's and 1940's, almost all of which are still on the books and still intact.  Why would anyone want to screw with them?  They're written pretty loosely.  They even direct the securities business to regulate itself, and severely limit government intervention.

Still, they must have kept things pretty quiet and orderly, right?

"No Black Tuesdays for over 50 years"

Definitions.

A little history.  This is the Dow Jones Industrial Average, from 1890 to 2010:

Fucking Matthew 22

Blasphemy follows: