Fucking Matthew 22

Blasphemy follows:






From The Holy Fucking Bible

1And Jesus fucking answered and spake unto them again by parables, and said,

2The kingdom of fucking heaven is like unto a certain fucking king, which made a marriage for his goddamned Republican son,

3And sent forth his fucking servants to call them that were bidden to the fucking wedding: and they would not come, for they were all fucking assholes.

4Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, Tell them which are bidden, Behold, get your lazy fucking asses over here! I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are fucking ready: come unto the fucking marriage already.

5But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his goddamn farm, another to his fucking merchandise:

6And the remnant took his fucking servants, and entreated them spitefully, and slew their lazy fucking asses.

7But when the king heard thereof, he was fucking pissed: and he sent forth his armies, and destroyed those murdererous fucking Republicans, and burned up their fucking city.

8Then saith he to his fucking servants, The fucking wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were a bunch of fucking Reublican assholes.

9Go ye therefore into the fucking highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the fucking marriage. Unless, of course, they are fucking Republican fascist assholes.

10So those fucking servants went out into the fucking highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both fascist fuckwads and good fucking liberal fucking Democrats: and the wedding was furnished with fucking guests.

11And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment, but a fucking Brooks Brothers suit:

12And he saith unto him, Friend, why the fuck camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment, yet instead wearing a goddamned fascist Brooks Brothers suit? You must be a fucking fascist Republican dickhead.

13Then said the fucking king to the fucking servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness known as fucking FOX news, there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth and anal fucking sodomy

14For many are fucking called, but goddamned few are fucking chosen. How dare that Rush Limbaugh listening shithead wear a goddamned fascist Brooks Brothers suit to my goddamned son's fucking wedding.

15Then went the fucking Pharisees, and took counsel how they might entangle him in his talk. What would fucking Rush do?

16And they sent out unto him their fucking dittohead disciples with the fucking Herodians, saying, Master, we know that thou art true, and teachest the way of God in truthiness, neither givest thou a fuck for any man: for thou regardest not the person of fucking men.

17Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Should we pay our fucking taxes or just tell fucking Caesar to go fuck himself?

18But Jesus perceived their fucking right wing wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, ye fucking hypocrites? Did you get that shit from fucking Bill O'FuckingReilly or what?

19Shew me the goddamned money. And they brought unto him a fucking penny.

20And he saith unto them, what, a fucking penny? Whose ugly fascist face is on this fucking penny, anyway?

21They say unto him, fucking Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, then pay that fascist asshole his goddamn taxes and shut the fuck up about it already!

22When they had heard these words, they were fucking speechless, and left him, and went their way to drink a bunch of fucking wine and get completely fucking wasted.

23The same day came to him the fucking Sadducees, which say that there is no fucking resurrection, and asked him,

24Saying, Master, Moses said, If a man die, having no fucking children, his brother shall marry his fucking wife, and fuck her senseless.

25Now there were with us seven fucking brethren, indeed their fucking mother was a goddamned breeder slut: and the first, when he had married a fucking wife, deceased, and, having no issue, left his fucking wife unto his fucking brother:

26Likewise the second also, and the third, unto the seventh.

27And last of all the fucking woman died also.

28Therefore in the resurrection whose fucking wife shall she be of the goddamned seven? for they all had fucked her senseless. The slut.

29Jesus answered and said unto them, You don't know fucking Jack, do y'all?

30For in the fucking resurrection you don't get no fucking booty anyway.

31But as touching the fucking resurrection of the fucking dead, have ye not read that which was spoken unto you by fucking God, saying,

32I am the God of fucking Abraham, and the God of fucking Isaac, and the God of fucking Jacob? God is not the God of the fucking dead, but of the fucking living. But not the fucking God of fucking fascist right wing pinheads.

33And when the multitude heard this, they were fucking astonished at his doctrine. It really blew their shit away.

34But when the fucking Pharisees had heard that he had put the fucking Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together and started a fucking teabag party.

35Then one of them, which was a fucking lawyer, asked him a question, which is just like something a fucking lawyer would do, and saying,

36Master, which is the greatest fucking commandment in the law?

37Fucking Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Fucking Lord thy Fucking God with all thy fucking little fascist heart, and with all thy Fucking fascist soul, and with all thy Fucking fascist pinhead mind.

38This is the first and greatest fucking commandment. It fucking rocks!

39And the second is like unto it, shithead, Thou shalt love thy fucking neighbour as thyself. Even if thy fucking neighbor is a complete fucking dickwad.

40On these two fucking commandments hang all the fucking law and the fucking prophets.

41While the fucking Pharisees were fucking gathered together having their fucking teabagging party, Jesus asked them,

42Saying, What think ye of fucking Christ? whose fucking son is he? They say unto him, The fucking son of David. Everyone fucking knows that.

43He saith unto them, How then doth fucking David in spirit call him fucking Lord, saying,

44The FUCKING LORD said unto my fucking Lord, Sit thou on my right hand, and jack yourself off till I make thine fucking enemies thy fucking footstool?

45If David then call him fucking Lord, how is he his fucking son? Answer that one, ye fucking know-it-all fascists.

46And no man was able to answer him a fucking word, since it just didn't fucking jibe with what fucking Pastor Jerry had told them on the fucking teevee, neither durst any man from that day forth ask him any more fucking questions

--From the Fucking Gospel According to Fucking Matthew Chapter 22 (King Fucking James Version)--