More Fox News Idiocy

First posted at The Smirking Chimp on December 19, 2007.

I don't usually repost the work of others, but I just sort of happened upon this little gem this morning. I had never even heard of this idiot Greg Gutfeld before, but apparently he has a daily segment on FAUX News.

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"Are You Smarter Than A Primate?"
by Greg Gutfeld, FOX News
A new study found that chimps performed about as well as college students at mental addition. Experts say this means, for the first time, that nonverbal math skills are not unique to humans.
Baloney.
Scientific research that says humans are no better at nonverbal thinking than monkeys must be flawed, because the research itself is based on humans engaging in nonverbal thinking.
It's a Catch 22: If they're right, then they're wrong. It's like the Academy Awards: If Hollywood thinks it's good, then it sucks.
Now, Duke students may not be that bright. But most of them are probably sharper than monkeys.
Let's see 14 monkeys go to Denny's, pretend to split the bill and pull a runner. Last time I checked, chimps can't do much more than fling their own feces. I grew out of that when I was fourteen.
I mean, who conducted this research, Mike Nifong? This isn't science. Fourteen college students locked in a room with some chimps? That sounds more like Bill Schulz's porn collection to me.
And that's my gut feeling!
Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to:
redeye@foxnews.com
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Umm...first off, humans ARE primates! We are, therefore, just as smart (intelligent, actually) as the most intelligent primates are us (presumably, and apparently disputably).
Second--chimpanzees are NOT monkeys! They're apes, as almost all non-idiots know.
According to his Wikipedia bio (I absolutely hate citing Wikipedia, but it's the only bio of this idiot that I can find--he probably wrote it himself), he actually graduated from college (University of CA, Berkely). If this is actually true, then I'm assuming he did not major in biology.
Somehow, I doubt that he's actually smarter than a Duke student. Or even a chimpanzee.
More FAUX News drivel. Where do they find these folks?