The economy sucks. Serial recessions. High unemployment. Corporate greed. Banks still won't give me free money.
Bad, bad, stuff.
But please, don't blame Obama for it. Don't blame Bush, either. Neither of them had anything to do with it at all.
I did it. I just can't live with myself anymore, so I have to admit it to everyone. I crashed the economy.
Sorry.
I didn't mean to. It just kind of happened.
I can't tell you how I did it. It's bad enough already living with the knowledge that I created a recessionary firestorm. I really wouldn't be able to live with myself if someone found out how I did it, then tried it out themselves just to see if it still worked.
That would suck even worse.
But don't blame Bush, Boner, Pelosi, Obama, Biden, Gore, Clinton, Reed, or anybody else. I did it. I take full responsibility. Unfortunately, I can't pay anybody back or anything.
Besides, it was an accident.
Update--09/06/2011
OK, well, I looked back at my records, and I discovered the problem.
Back in the summer of '08, I couldn't get my checkbook to balance. There was a huge discrepancy between my statement and the balance in my checkbook. Wells Fargo showed almost $35 trillion more in my account than I had written down.
It looked like I had forgotten to write a $34+ trillion deposit in my checkbook. I didn't think that I'd forget about a deposit that big, but, well, the stress of owning a business, sometimes you forget.
So I made a $34+ trillion "corrective entry" in my checkbook to get it to balance.
I started spending the extra money, and all of a sudden, all hell broke loose. Not only that, but my checking account was overdrawn. Damn. The $35 trillion had disappeared completely.
I didn't think about it too much at the time. I paid the $35 overdraft fee and forgot all about it.
Well, I did a little sleuthing yesterday. It has been bothering me again lately. I found out that it wasn't entirely my fault that the economy went belly up.
BNP Paribas had purchased my checking account from Wells Fargo, leveraged it, and issued $35 trillion in derivatives that reverted to my now severely leveraged checking account. When I spent a couple of thousand dollars on a new executive chair, a fancy steak dinner and some toner cartridges, the underlying financing deal fell through, and $35 trillion in derivatives went bad.
Sorry. But nobody told me.
I know that I told everybody that I wouldn't tell you how it happened, but I didn't know at the time. Now that I do, I see that it's no big deal, and getting the truth out there will take some of the blame off of me.
Besides, I'm sure that BNP Paribas and Wells Fargo have learned their lessons by now.
