Back when I was younger, I used to think that President Obama was maybe sort of an OK guy, and certainly better looking than either John McCain or Sarah Palin. I looked at him and said to myself "This guy doesn't suck nearly as bad as George Bush".
I guess I was wrong, though. As has been pointed out to me many times, George Bush is whiter and more Christian than Obama. The same people also point out to me that Obama is also a socialist, which right away makes him a very bad person.
But there are other people who ascribe to a very different view. They ardently believe that Obama sucks, and sucks worse than Bush, but not because Obama is less white or Christian than Bush. They say that Obama is even worse than Bush, because they expected Bush to be a tyrannical fascist. They expected, or at least hoped, that Mr Obama would be the second coming of SuperFDRMan.
But alas, here we are, just months into his second term, and Obama still has not started a war in Europe or had Japanese people rounded up and forced to live in concentration camps. Therefore, since he isn't as great as SuperFDRMan, and refuses to behead George Bush and Jamie Dimon and display their heads on pikes on the White House lawn, then he is obviously a fascist.
All of which confuses me. Obviously, Obama sucks. But I can't think of any other political figure in human history that sucked so much that he was both a socialist and a fascist. Then I got to thinking--both sides have it wrong. Obama doesn't suck because he's a socialist. He doesn't suck because he's a fascist.
He sucks so badly because, in reality, he is a sociofascist.
Not only that, he is an Islamosociofascist, which sucks even more. Don't believe me? I can prove it!
Look at that. Proof beyond any doubt. If you can't look at that flowchart and see immediately the overwhelming evidence of Obama's Islamosociofascism, then you probably suck, too.
Finally, I recently uncovered evidence of Obama's sickest crime against humanity. In the 70's and 80's, he was very influential in the music world, and championed the horrible practice of using the cowbell in rock music.
If only the Blue Oyster Cult hadn't listened to him, today's America wouldn't suck nearly so badly.
Obama truly sucks. But most of you reading this don't seem to understand the true reasons for his suckiness. Now you know. Go forth, and spread the true word.
