Epic. Just epic.
I wonder what it was like?
Once I realized that both candidates' opening statements were actually the scripts to their latest campaign commercials, I started channel surfing.
I watched an episode of The Toy Hunter. Pretty silly.
So I went downstairs to do maintenance work on my backyard nuclear power plant. Then I finished my latest batch of VX.
Hobbies are good to keep your mind active.
So is good weed, so I smoked some. Maybe I should have tried watching the tail end of the debate afterwards. It might have made me forget that both candidates were just spewing well-rehearsed talking points.
Now the first debate is over. How was it? The consensus seems to be that Obama didn't do well, and that Romney did, in fact, bother to show up.
When's the next debate? I want to miss that one, too.
I might watch the Biden-Ryan debate just for the real possibility that hilarity might ensue. Too bad we can't vote for Vice President separately. If you could, then I might just run for Vice-President.
After all, people run for Lieutenant Governor or Deputy Mayor. Not only that, but, as everybody knows, the Vice President is just a muzzle flash away from the Presidency.
Which is why John McCain is lucky that he lost in 2008. His Veep might have "accidentally" shot him with a rifle from a helicopter. I think that the Vice President's hunting helicopter is designated Air Force Eleventy. Biden uses his for beer runs.
I hope that Chelsea Clinton and Jenna Bush win their respective parties' nominations in 2016. I'd watch that debate.
Chelsea: "Under my tax proposal, top marginal rates would be increased by twenty five basis points, and everybody whose income is more than $100 million a year would be subject to a 0.0001% surtax on the next $100 million. By imposing these tax increases and cutting military spending by $50-$100 each year, the budget should be balanced sometime within my successor's second term"
Jenna: "Taxes are boring! We shouldn't have any. If we didn't have taxes, then everybody would, like, have a job. It's like, y'know, DUH! That's what my dad says, and he used to be President."
Jenna would probably lose the debates, but win the election. After all, who would you rather share a pitcher of margaritas with--Jenna or Chelsea? Jenna wins that one hands down. Chelsea would nurse one margarita for two hours, then leave early because she "Has a very busy day tomorrow". Jenna would get slammed and you just might get lucky.
When Thomas Jefferson debated John Adams during the 1796 campaign, Larry King asked them about their stances on universal health coverage.
Jefferson responded: "It is only right and just that those who cannot pay their barbers to lance boils, let blood or apply blisters, should receive some governmental assistance so that they may avail themselves of these vital services in their time of need. I also favor a prescription drug plan that would cover the cost of up to a 90 day supply of leeches."
Adams countered: "Such statements are madness! Why, if we give people money to get their boils lanced, then the next thing you know, we'll be knee deep in seditious aliens! Think about it! I should also like to point out that, although my opponent may be quite wealthy, he is still just a hick from Virginia."
Playing the "illegals" card probably won Adams his 71-68 vote Electoral College squeaker.
I think I've strayed from my original point here.
All I really want is for somebody who watched the debate to let me know what it was like.
'Cause I just can't stand to watch.
